I hope i die before i’m out of high school Maybe i won’t have to deal with all my idols Fantasized i was pushing a spike through my car window Oh i know, i shouldn’t have said so And at the library park You had me hanging on your every word Afterwards at the driving range I started feeling strange Felt like i had said everything you hate I told you so, aberdeen I fucking told you so You’re real, you’re something i can’t wait to figure out You’re real, you’re a puzzle i can’t put down (FUCK!) I’ll leave, i’ll leave The writing’s on the wall I promise i’ll leave soon I can’t answer when you call And maybe when i’m dead and gone I’ll finally get some sleep When i was a ghost I felt so alone Without you by my side i was forced out to the cold Mom blamed the kids We were young, we weren’t innocent She told me lies, fuck her for that Fuck your prayers fuck your church hat Maybe she’ll ask “why’d you leave?” Like you did, you asked “Where will you go?” And i couldn’t answer, i didn’t know Maybe i’ll head to oregon to be with val Or hide in colorado Burying my guitar to sing to you alone Once it happens, where will I go? Couldn’t stay with you i’d burden you so Thinking, if i tell val all this She’d never let me stay with her, oh no Heaven help me now I need to leave this town You helped me realize it I lay awake hoping you never worry for me If you hear these songs If you’re wondering what i did wrong Here’s it all

It wasn’t easy to be happy for you But all you have to do is look at me To know all the words were true You haven’t told me a thing about her Do you love her? Is she alright? Is she dead? Is she fine? I hope you’re okay Every night and every day I hope you never get sick of me, i couldn’t handle being alone You’re my favorite, you save me from the cold When i was younger i wanted to live in the city Now i know that life couldn’t ever be pretty I lay awake hoping you’re laying in wait for me Been with you for what feels like years Filled up your mug I always knew what it was I took the poison hoping you’d feel it too When you didn’t, i didn’t know what i could do Been with you for about a year You can’t love what you love without fear Despite all the anger, i wouldn’t trade you for the world my dear It wasn’t easy to be happy for you But all you have to do is look at me To know all the words were true You haven’t told me a thing about her Do you love her? Is she alright? Is she dead? Is she fine? I hope you’re okay Every night, every day And this voice in the back of my head Says let them in, let em be Let em be happy If i don’t i know i’m gonna go crazy And if the world i wanted was gonna burn Then all my friends should get a turn to light it up I realized my dream had died The second you left Rising up the stairs with the tears i cried All i could hope to the ground say goodbye Nothing felt good in these last days There’s no hope Don’t you leave me alone I’ll be scared, i’ll be cold I don’t ever wanna be apart Meeting you was the start Of the rest of my life It wasn’t easy to be happy for you But all you have to do is look at me To know all the words were true You haven’t told me a thing about her Do you love her? Is she alright? Is she dead? Is she fine? I hope you’re okay Every night, every day No one ever told me enough is enough All i got was encouragement When in reality i was just a cunt and dumb Not that i’m any good I lie and cheat and i steal And i beg for forgiveness nothing i say is real Like this time i mean it Hurt you in ways you can’t prepare You still love me and you don’t care It’s hard to keep you in my heart I’m not dead yet, but it’s a start

I didn’t think anything of it at first Not until in the store you winked and smirked Tried to help but i can only hurt In the end, i made it worse I wish i would die before high school So i won’t have to deal with any more, oooo Thought i was over you But brie, you have me hanging on again Let’s run from your friends I got some money we could spend Not that you’d like that Now that I know, I guess That i’m falling in love again Brie’s stuck in my head All summer in a night Your whole life in a knife My summer of sleeping on couches Passed out from shitty shows Is back to the forefront of my mind And it makes me uncomfortable All summer in a night Your whole life in a knife Your whole life of pain And anger And unhealthy ways of coping Are trapped inside a boxcutter But brie, you have me hanging on again Let’s run from my family I know some places we could see Know that you’d like that Now that you know, I guess i’m falling in love again Brie’s stuck in my head On the back stairs i saw you Watched you laughing with your friends For some reason i never wanted it to end All those prescriptions they wrote for you Tossed away and replaced with liquor, weed too Give back my love, give back my hate Give back the loving things i said when you forgot my name And all this time like a fool I waited and i trusted you Failed by degrees, by the last day i was shaking in the knees Told me i’d be free, by the last day all that was left was the trees Called you up, you said to me “Trust me, There’s no use in leaving” Was always the butt of the joke They’ll find me once i leave home Was watching you drink from your mug You said it was tea, but i knew what it really was I know why you lied to me But it still hurt when i heard it, Brie But watch out, you’re not safe You don’t know how or why, just that it’s possible Brie, Brie, Brie But Brie, you have me hanging on again Let’s run from our little town I know i could go down on you not that i’d like that Now that you know, I guess i’m falling in love again Brie’s stuck in my head Alright, well you know now Fucked up in your bed at home now Tried to help but only hurt In the end i made it worse I tried so hard to make you feel okay None of these were words that i said I know that you know now I wanna be in your home now Fall asleep in your bed Maybe then i won’t feel dead But Brie, you have me hanging on again Let’s run from our little town I know i could go down on you not that i’d like that Now that you know, I guess i’m falling in love again Brie’s stuck in my head

And I am doing the most that i can’t

Was I ever allowed to love you like that? I knew it was wrong, but it never forced me back Because you loved me like the moon and the leaves And you loved me in a way too perfect to ever keep Oh you would message me about missing me And i wish you still did it, before i drift off to sleep I can’t tell, i won’t tell her And though you’re the only thing i miss It feels fine enough as this is something i deserve And you smelled all lovely and sweet And you tasted like everything i wanted to be You meant everything to me And i lament of you I lament of a “she” And i’m alright wishing you were here Though it hurts less than when you were near And you loved me like something i couldn’t keep And you loved me not at all You would find me wishing you were by my side And when i cried and i told you it was alright You knew better and you were here And you meant everything to me I remember nights when i thought of futures with you And you loved me like no one else could And i held your hand in my head And across my face my tears lead You meant everything to me I love you so much I’m so scared to tell you I think of you every night And in the mornings when i look for sunlight You’re my first thought Without you everything’s a lot I saw you in the corridors And i’d get flustered That day when i was collapsed And a soft “hi there” was all i could muster And you were there I glance at you and imagine a future with you I really, really do It’s always different Sometimes it’s in a small cottage in a forest Or a tiny apartment in the city I think about you everyday Whenever we were together in the library I couldn’t keep my eyes off you I looked away, i was scared to embarrass you I am so in love with you That i just can’t tell you I know i’d ruin your life I can’t be near you I’m sorry to make you think i was ever in the right I know you’ll turn me down I know from then on i’ll be left out I can’t hurt you I know that’s what i’ll do I wanna preserve the life i’ve imagined in my head And not the one that either of us have lead I’m yours, and i care for you I love you

No one is going to heaven Everything’s going to hell And if you just want it to be okay Nothing’s gonna go well And if i wanna make a change I’d need to cut myself off from everyone Because all my friends and all their love Just make me a worse person And if i wanna make a change I need to commit myself completely Let the hate and let the anger complete me Because no one is going to heaven Everything’s going to hell And if i wanted it to just be over It’ll never be over Nothing i loved is going to heaven Everything i wanted is going to hell And by the time i knew i wouldn’t end up well I was already too far gone I was being played all along Here it is no reason why Didn’t mean to lie (not at all) I think you’re funny i think you’re cute I think you’re lovely you threw me for a loop It comes down to you and me And all the people i loved that i no longer see Everything is going to hell That means you and me and my guitar as well The rapture happened forever ago We’re still here because everyone’s fucking going to hell This is the selfish story of one person wishing Things would figure themselves out so they could Leave home for good Your tattooed hands your point of view Can’t erase your face with some dumb cartoon Tried to write some sort of specificity Run away with me We can say the same things Your calloused hands your point of view wanna erase your face with some dumb cartoon I’ll look you dead in the eyes and say i’m not like you Even though in my heart i know that it’s not true

Everything i told you was a lie I’m not strong and i’m not kind My good ideas only come at night When i’m sighing and you’re in my mind Thinking of running off i could text you ‘hi’ You’d let me stay for another day Just another lie Even after all this time You’re still in my mind No resentment, no hate Drinking the whole bottle so i forget your name Every night that i saw you there Sitting in that little chair I was wrong, you were right Doesn’t matter what for, alright? Every night i try to help but only hurt In the end, i made it worse Once i leave I’ll leave for colorado Hide out in denver until i find a real home Maybe with my baby down in oregon Still have your glasses Once in the library we switched accidentally Do you even need them back? Told me mine seemed to work better anyway And on the bed stand i sat while down you laid Once i left I’ll leave for colorado Because by then You’ll want to be alone And all my music contained was the anxiety and the spontaneity of good kids looking to destroy themselves And now that i’m leaving for good i know that you’ve been through hell And though you don’t know it i didn’t treat you well I’ve made this decision now I’m never going home Nothing left here for me Just pain and awful memories So goodbye to all the people i loved and all the world that’s gonna burn At least me and all my friends have gotten a turn to light it up I knew my dreams had died the second i lied But i’d be glad to see manhattan for once

Tried so hard to tell the truth But i can’t and it’s because of my youth I can’t say that’s true, can’t make another excuse Sometimes i don’t make sense Every day it happens less I can’t think of anything alright I think i’m gonna end up leaving tonight I tried to text you something simple like ‘hi’ Can’t believe this is my life Maybe if you kissed me less on the forehead I could talk to you But after we’re both meant to wear this costume I never wanna see my face All these problems i can’t erase I was wondering if you want to come over And maybe hang out with me? We can sit around and look at houses And i can remember when i was 14 And we can stay up late and watch TV And looking down at you because you’re so small Is there a difference Between love and obsession And desire and love? Well i don’t know but i’d be glad To see manhattan for once All i really wanted was another chance I struggle to write anything more I wish i could just shut the door Sometimes i think of your bedroom And the faces of our friends What the hell happened to them? Realizing that i’d have to keep it all up Couldn’t spend any of my time expressing my love You changed, maybe for the better Like me, after i never Considered sending that letter What ever happened to me? I used to be such a nice boy And now i pretend to be kind but i can be mean Not even gonna start on the boy thing, baby Lean a little to the right and see How you look to me Every step takes me closer to the verge Can’t believe it all took this to rupture me You’re my fifteen-minute idol Keep forgetting i’m not your age, god i love Your eyes and your hair, everything you say But now i ask myself what happened And now i think i’m dead I’m following trends I’m dead Are you dead? Because by now i think i’m dead And you’re the only person i’ve ever met who seems real You’re what keeps me alive The warmth in this cold world i despise No matter what, i know i’m not someone you’ll love I can’t say anything to you I can’t do anything with you I’m dead I know i’m dead And you’re the only real person i ever met And a few miles down as the library fades from view I realize it’s true, everything reminds me of you

I dont know if you're breathing hackett knows im leaving and the ideas that bring me comfort now used to keep me up when you shambled through doors id just shut but god, marsh, drive please drive marshall dear god avoid the highways ill improve my way we'll get out of this sad excuse for a state im not worried just a bit scared no hurry nothing has to change and nothing will cut deeper than having to say goodbye because we'll be buried within inches of each other in the same damn grave and we wont be able to touch even in spite of the rain and i know bellas stuck in the middle of duxbury but what the fuck does that mean to me? i sing loud but only in the beginning to grab your attention so you listen when i say the words i cant say in person and look at me when i say im not just another fucking face not when i sit and pout when i chew you up and spit you out i'm home look at me when i say im promising you im gonna shuttle away and when i spin you around and you punch me down am i home? our lives dont recieve light im speaking truthfully i spent so many sleepless nights needing your hope

Honestly I can’t remember any of my past fears All that matters is what’s happening this year The only thing that sticks out Is trying to shout I love you i love you i love you All the way back from jupiter You and her I heard you say “i love you too” It’s getting harder to write With my beach weak mind You were my muse And it’s been months since i’ve seen you I wear my heart on my sleeve And yet it’s the one thing about me That you still haven’t seen I tell you you’re perfect I tell you i love you Hate to sound like a douche but if only you knew Oh, i told you You were my inspiration For most of these songs And you said “that makes me feel cool” Would you ever guess that Brie was about you? With all the anger i instill it through I hope you know i still love you I noticed you look at me in the package store I enjoyed every minute of being so hopeful It feels like it’s been less time than it has It feels like you slapped that bottle from my hand a week ago It feels like days since i came to you when i was feeling low It feels like yesterday that i came out to you It feels like yesterday that i told you i love you But it feels like forever since i met you I remember so clearly how you looked at me in the checkout line You were calm, you were relieved, you were smiling I had a hard time not telling you i loved you on the spot But it had only been a month, maybe not I knew then that to be truthful It wasn’t love you felt for me, just being youthful And i know that if i got everything i wanted I’d leave it destroyed, wasted or squandered Which is why i know that i couldn’t be a good partner I know you would disagree But you don’t know how awful of a person i can be Pretend to be nice but i can be mean You read the lyrics to leave a light on and you said “It sounds like someone bearing their soul down” or something And i wonder if you knew How much of that record was about you Realizing it made me cry Some special kind of night I imagined us together And thought it’d be alright Thought when i said goodbye I’d tell you all this And now it’s stuck in my head Gotta live with it I don’t wanna live here fuck all this shit I don’t love anyone who tries to make me hide Even though that’s all i do i’m trying to try I know i said i might have to find a place to stay And staying with you, you let me escape No way to end this song Nor a way to end it all I know you’re reading my texts, mom

Helps me forget for a moment Shines out like her hate It helps me forget for an instant Dipping my toes in the lake Piecing it together in a lakeside home Another storefront in a cemetery Read up on the obituary Gin with sin and a broken bottle He’s throwing up, unwinding He’s leaving home, die trying Wore what i wanted Got called a fag, not showing up today Oh, swallow me whole Swallow me whole Leave me alone Helps me forget for a second Leave me to die in the wait It helps me forget for a moment Into the water I wade Oh, leave me alone Leave me alone Swallow me whole Help me forget for a moment Piecing it together in a lakeside home Another storefront in a cemetery Read up on the obituary I’m never gonna go back home Not again Not ever gonna feel that low Not again I want you to leave me alone I’ve finally found a place That i actually enjoy being in and thinking that i can call it home Piecing it together in a lakeside home Another storefront in a cemetery Read up on the obituary I’m never gonna go back home Not again Not ever gonna feel that low Not again Helps me forget for a second Leave me to die in the wait It helps me forget for a moment Into the water I wade Oh, leave me alone Leave me alone Swallow me whole

I’m slowly turning into you It happens more with everything i do I can’t go back to school I couldn’t believe i was such a fool And i can see you change From across the state I don’t know what love is I just do what i’m told I can’t escape this shit It’ll be with me till i’m old And i can see you leave home From your window We could play with each other in different rooms If that’s something you wanna do Everything is a bummer! And even the thought of you isn't bringing me slumber And i don’t care if you’re angry, everything about you is from 1973 Maybe i’m just running from house to house eating bread Isn’t it sad? And i can wish you were here All goddamn year I feel like another thing destroyed in your drunken stumble