I saw you on the bike path Leading to the river dam And when i returned to the aftermath I saw your hand In a box with Lucky’s Chinese And I know now, It’s there somehow That I won’t see you again. I try to tell myself I got good luck, but damn I’m wrong When I get my nerve up, everything feels like it’s gone. Because i already failed, and that’s it But oh, that day on the backway Here comes my summertime girl On the street by the Pearl I know sooner or later she’ll slip out and away But oh my god how she waves down the window to wave “hey!” to me

Second time bikin’ looking for you I hear the whistle of a flute tune And follow it down the road to you I open my eyes and the freight elevator Comes to an abrupt stop Turns out I am in the mall And everybody is wearing clothes that I find insufferable. Nicole tells me “It wasn’t the weed, It’s sunday morning.” And i need to get up Check the wasteland, But i’m still wasted Dried blood on my collar from the night before (...i had that dream again last night, in the package store…) There is no window on her room I get up and get dressed Put on a tee and some jeans And i will try to see If i need to get back home I’ll be right beside you when you go to check it out I miss the bands I’d see In the summer on the landing Small bands, that don’t come around anymore Now it is 32 degrees And I am still biking Looking for you, Flute tunes There’s something down in the grime It ain’t me, but there’s something you have to see The eunuchs are beyond susceptibility When they turn around and see me And the freaks trading head By their electric bikes are alright The people i don’t know in their houses They don’t know me either and that’s alright Do you remember when you were sober and i was kinder? Most days i’d say i missed those months, kinda Music fills my ears It’s your flute I’d do anything for you Everyone has dreams, I know. Some people forget them in the morning, through mind and soul Aiden stands over me and he splashes water in my face Make me erase Every speck of that memory of a girl i saw one time Wasn’t it sublime.

I saw her in a dream for the first time I was heading down to Forest edge on a bike She looked scared or nervous when i said “Hi” Her hands tied up her hair as i went down to ride And at once I am entranced I consider stopping and asking if i can walk her home I walk back up and she says she’d rather not be alone She asked me what I was doing around here as if anyone ever knew I said “looking for adventure, free of pressure to pursue Another college class, a point in the gradebook Lite” She giggled and smirked, then said “that must be the life.” And you would not believe How fast i loved how much she agreed Arriving at her house, my offer not turned down She led me inside and revealed no one was around Details for a local adorn a white-paper flier She says “it feels odd to say punk aesthetics makes me kinda tired” She leads me into the kitchen Her intentions are exact. Outside it’s 32 degrees She hands me coffee, cold and black And at once I drink it up Laying around, she suggests we settle down As in settle down for good. She knows a pretty good place on Holbeck In her old neighborhood I disagree, right now we’re free And then there’s a horn from a taxi in the street Her parents are home, she kisses goodbye to me And then I leave Climbing down the lattice, i see her smile Thinking of it, I haven’t seen her in a while We dial into a radio station, she rolls her window down discreetly She smiles at me and I’m completely Entranced She says “i hope the kid’s alright” Then turns away and kisses the clouds Driving, i curse with conviction And “Anchorite” plays us out (it’s time… Hurry up, please, it’s time)

When I met her she started smoking But she tried quitting when she met me I don’t know if those are connected Random access association makes me crazy Everything i say is a bridge You crossed it every single day I was a rough time in your life A bad situation that you’re glad went away All of the kids we met on the course Are settled down on the sea Sometimes i wish that we could be like that Other days i’m too bitter to see The secretary interrupts my train of thought She asks what’s the reason for my appointment I try to say “i’m too tired to think” but i don’t Jacob asks if I’m going to the house party with my band I respond and tell him, “why not, i’ll go if I can stand” By noon it’s too cold to go out By two it’s too cold for me to come around It’s been so long since I played with my friends I don’t know what to say But before we go out i try to put down a cup of coffee I know you’ll be in the audience You ask how much i took and i lie I almost vomit on the stage and wonder if i should’ve stayed inside But doctors always tell you some “best way” to live your life It’s not like they know everything ever Well, actually they might I see you in the crowd and it tells me I gotta make it through this if it kills me And when it kills me I’ll come back Jesus will make an 18th century bard Or maybe I’ll be a cat I scream into a mic, Someone’s recording on their Mac I’ll pass out on stage, Wake in a fit of rage But before we go out i try to put down a cup of coffee I know you’ll be in the audience You ask how much i took and i lie And then, hours later, at the start of the dawn We don’t know which way to go We walk outside, see passed out drunks on the lawn We go to walk ourselves home There’s a distance between us, something had changed But at least we got to have some fun You kiss me goodnight, drunk and strange You tell me you love me But that night back at home on the range I know something is hanging above me When you say you love my hair

All my friends get high in the basement All my friends were happy when we rode to the market All my friends stole from their dads and sold that shit And none of them got jobs Because why would they want to They get their money from weed and stolen fishing poles And i think in some ways they are better off than me Aiden failed in algebra his first go around He asked “what does it mean to you, when you just make sound?” And i said, it’s a double-knot Doing skateboard tricks in the parking lot And none of my friends had jobs Because why would they need one? They get their kicks from doing tricks And riding to a different flick Jacob had us running in between trees So we could see his room full of unburnt CDs He said “wait til you check this out,” When we got there i couldn’t say there was any doubt None of my friends had jobs They didn’t want or need them Because art gets what it needs to be perfect Oh, you know, call off the show The kid’s an ass, he’s counting the cash in public Marshall led me down a hill to the package store He led me inside through the front door He taught me how to steal without anybody seeing And then we left giggling None of my friends had jobs And I don’t either, because Art gets what it wants or deserves

I’m waking up, i'm sweating I know I should've stayed out. But it’s Christa’s car, and with one more drink I wouldn’t’ve cleared the roundabout. Crawl into the garage and I’m okay now Some ridiculous number, what could be the reason? Warm haze is gone, but the house is still leashed in And it’s as bad as ever to think about it. If you drive me home i’ll just sleepwalk back to you I’m slowly learning that I’m just the girl i outgrew I was in love with your eyes when you got me stoned I’m 14 and still speaking in whispers on the phone When i leave home for good i will do it in a quiet way But i am far too quiet to leave in the first place I wanna outline my perfect life But the ideas keep running dry It’s not like the lines ever came out right You were there everywhere i turned In disguises that I couldn’t discern I would’ve seen your face in the snow and the lake I would’ve seen your body in the pond where i dumped my money I can hear the floorboards downstairs as they creak I can feel them coming downstairs when I sleep In a dream i’m 13 all again And i’m going to the package store with my friends And as i smoke my last joint i talk to them “We should get you a last wish” marshall said And then it occurred to me I must be dead. There’s a gray sky next to gray life and I took all that dramamine It’s a bad end to a worse dream when you lost your life at 17 Fingers are laced around the nape of your neck Breath is hot and it’s done, we lay in bed “The day she left, I was ensnared. My soul was held in suspension there.” The day i will take it back I won’t feel under attack When my mind, body and soul Are joined as one whole There’s a dark cloud You see a black hole My veins swell with words “You can’t say you really got hurt When you say out loud that you can't stay here”

Apologies to everybody I regret becoming what I was to you What would that even be Knowing you feel the way you do What am I supposed to see? Looking at our old pictures Glass cracked from an overloaded amp Sounds like everything I thought And it was inevitable. Some things you just can’t stop Natural attractions come and go But i try to make it leave, and this one won’t And now I know We gotta go back We gotta go back I don’t wanna end up dead We gotta go back We gotta go back These hands will never touch yours again. But Nicole, I remember you You had blonde hair You had a gold necklace And you loved feeling the air You taught me how to wave my hand In the rye field as we cross it But we’ll be stuck in our bodies Stuck in our minds Stuck in this body Stuck in this mind For the rest of your life. This is the rest of your life. Try to focus, try to open it Reunite your body and your mind Think again, this is the end You’ve made your changes We already failed and that’s it. You’re stuck in your body, stuck in your mind For the rest of your life Louise, this is the rest of your life When I turn 22 What the fuck am i gonna do? The world will still be turning When i turn 22 What the fuck am I supposed to do The world’s always burning. But i’m alright When i’m 45 I’m shouting “WE GOTTA GO BACk” We gotta go back It doesn’t matter anymore I believe the lies i tell It doesn’t matter anymore Because I think I’m in hell And i don’t sing these songs well Focus, open it, release your mind There’s somebody i need to find Focus, open it, release your mind And for nine I will not surrender my name To anything she’d say I decorate my hell With the awful things i tell myself Maybe i’ve lost my way It makes me feel insane I’m nervous, but the coffee’s hot Did it matter? All the effort I exerted All the people i comforted Will it knock the scale in my favor Or will my suffering never waver I got an awful black heart My contact list has always been sparse But i tried towards the end to make a difference And i guess i lacked the confidence I’ve lost my way (...it’s a feeling that only comes around once every thousand years. Two thousand years. How long is a year, really…) It’s time Hurry up, please, it’s time It’s time Hurry up, please, it’s time It’s time Hurry up, please, it’s time It’s time Hurry up, please, it’s time It’s time Hurry up, please, it’s time It’s time

This isn’t any better at all Doesn’t make me feel any better It won’t I thought this house was bigger Last time I was here there was a whole ‘nother room I’m too nervous for boys now I’m too nervous for girls now It started out okay Because the night is great But then it gets old, and we get cold So we just go inside And then we go back outside. I know the problem, i just gotta wake up! Raise my finger then my body Get up off the bed I just need to get into motion I just need to get up and start moving Moving is easy! I just wanna get off But it won’t make me feel better at all It wasn’t educational and it lingered On my fingers Let’s move away from this awful place Nobody keeps their hands to themselves Does anybdoy use this place in the daytime? Or is it the set of a movie Let’s get away from this awful place Where nobody can keep their mouths to themselves I REFUSED TO LET GO UNTIL YOU LOVED ME I REFUSED TO LET GO UNTIL YOU HATED ME I never wanted you to change I just wanted you to be different Like, not so distant… Attractions come and go, it’s the way of the world But this one doesn’t Nicole told me to never write about what I had in my bike pack But that’s where my weed is, so what else do i have That was the last thing she said before she disappeared You’re used to a softer touch Or maybe a gentler one She’s used to the touch of a love But hey man, it’s cool when you do it I talk in my sleep but my voice is so weak “Murmur, murmur, COWARD!” My life is something that I won’t get away with You think the same way, it’s Like we all have the same dreams, i know But i wish I forgot mine in the morning There was a dead dog being painted on the forest If none of us know the words Then just write what we heard When everyone left Were you crying because it was over Or because it would never end Everything must be recycled Hang onto my ego It’s dying or dead It’s letting me go While I’m getting ahead. And somewhere deep inside that spark There is a teeny tiny part of me that could use a cuppa coffee But oh, that night Such good music, The longer I played The less I could say Those lights shining in my eyes I couldn’t see, but I got paid.

(I had that dream again last night, the one where I'm in the convenience store and I'm waiting. Marshall’s sitting on the shelf behind a group of hockey players and I just regret everything when he smiles at me. I go outside, and behind the door’s just a big...a big empty space. Not an emptiness, more like a nothingness. And when i step outside, there’s this empty feeling, like my whole body has just stopped...stopped being. And then…) Your eyes were covered up Two dark shaded glasses Crowns in your hair, but You were no queen to the masses When we die our faces will become dust And our homes will become piles of rust Our actions will be forgotten for better or worse And trust me when I say this is not a curse. Your body reminded me of what it was like When i knew i was out of reach from the city lights And you told me how your brother died He was driving drunk on a disgraced interstate when he was 25 And he collided in a clash He would drown in metal and ash I’ll suffer a same fate When we die our names will be lost to time And our songs will be twisted to make new rhymes Our faces will go from smile to smirk And cough will become choke As we struggle to hold down the smoke And he’s working to fix the internet Why else would he have not left yet? He’s got a wife and two kids back home He doesn’t do this to live alone When he doesn’t know His wife has been cheating on him for years And his kids don’t like him, they’re struck with fear And soon his life will run its course Because the love of his life wants a divorce And he’s yelling “If i counted up all the time i spent fixing you kid’s lives I could get as high as empire state, climbing down i would die” We nod and say alright. Time was not kind. What does it matter if we tell him? He stands up and leaves Everyone else is setting fires with their college degrees And i think, in my addled mind, they are more practical than me But who can say? Because I’m not mad at you, I know what we were You should be sad, too “But that’s just not her!” But i don’t care! My mind and soul don’t care Maybe it’s been so long that i’m just not aware But it doesn’t matter, because i’m shaving my hair! We gotta go back We gotta go back We gotta go back Why would you say all those things? Maybe my friends are more practical than me When they’re setting fires with diplomas and degrees It can’t get any worse than this Because maybe I was wrong about my body, soul and mind Because maybe I won’t be happy sleeping forever on a double-wide I’m not somebody who can say “I’m okay” When i’m driving my car into a tree Four progressions of love make me Think i’m as sick as i can get Four progressions of love make me Think i’m as entranced as I can’t get I can’t say that I’m okay ever again Because I know that this will be the end And I get frustrated when you ask me “Can we still be friends?” And it’s been four progressions of love And now I beg for punishment It’s been for progressions of time passed And now I beg for retribution I can’t say that I’m okay ever again Because I know that this will be the end And I get frustrated when you ask me “Can we still be friends?” There’s been no time between then and now And when i realize it’s been one month, i ask myself how I don’t know how you can do what you do You tell me you love me, and that was a lie I don’t know how many pardons you can buy Why did you do this to me? Why? Why? Why why why why? Ebrah! Ebrah! (...Then I hear this voice out in the blackness, and she says, she says something, some greeting. Like she knows me. She says my name, my real name, and plants a kiss on my cheek. She tells me not to worry much tonight. And then throws me out. And, uh, and then i woke up.) summertime girl Summertime Here comes my On the street On the street, Pearl I know sooner or later she’ll slip out and away But oh my god how she waves down the window to wave “hey!” to me I know sooner or later she’ll slip out and away But oh my god how she waves down the window to wave “hey!” to me I know sooner or later she’ll slip out and away But oh my god how she waves down the window to wave “hey!” to me I try to tell myself I got good luck, but damn I’m wrong When I get my nerve up, everything feels like it’s gone. Because i already failed, and that’s it LET ME IN! (LET ME OUT, PLEASE) LET ME IN! (WILLIAM, LET ME OUT!) Oh, what I couldn’t learn from you Oh, what I couldn’t learn from you There was so much you said, too What happened to you? “If I speak in the tongues of men or of angels, but do not have love, I am only a resounding gong or a clanging cymbal. If I have the gift of prophecy and can fathom all mysteries and all knowledge, and if I have a faith that can move mountains, but do not have love, I am nothing. If I give all I possess to the poor and give over my body to hardship that I may boast but do not have love, I gain nothing. Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. Love never fails. But where there are prophecies, they will cease; where there are tongues, they will be stilled; where there is knowledge, it will pass away. For we know in part and we prophesy in part, but when completeness comes, what is in part disappears. When I was a child, I talked like a child, I thought like a child, I reasoned like a child. When I became a man, I put the ways of childhood behind me. For now we see only a reflection as in a mirror; then we shall see face to face. Now I know in part; then I shall know fully, even as I am fully known. And now these three remain, body, soul and mind.”