What was shed at the nature reserve, the tears The beautiful bits of glitter that fell below us, the fears That i told you to ignore, it cannot be your medicine anymore I try so desperately to make sure you remember me I try to solve your problems, or make sure someone can solve them But i am a bomb that kills those who i do not understand And the timer is almost up My black-haired boy Made of shards of glass You bring me that type of joy Kissing you after class Am i home? Biking home after MA. I’ve never been alone with all these ghosts at my back But yesterday felt like March more than March did And i’ve lived more today than i had ever lived (When you asked) “What more could you want when you have These hairs growing on me, aren’t you glad That i’m something you can say you had?” But i am a bomb that kills those who i do not understand And the timer is almost up My black-haired boy Made up of shards of glass You bring me that type of joy Kissing you through your mask We love staying home instead of going to school And feeling that air on our bodies, so cool And you close the windows when you see them And maybe this isn’t what you’d call a friend Like how he’s somewhere out there, i don’t know But i wonder all the time if he misses his baby snow But i am a bomb that kills those who i do not understand And the timer is almost up My black-haired boy Made of shards of glass You bring me that type of joy Kissing you after class Waking up every day is all about enduring until you can escape

I drew out from your warm porch Into the early morning may If only for the last hope Not wanting to be somebody you hate I’m guzzling beer down here where nothing can live I’m reaching out to hold your hand But i knew i could not understand I’m waving goodbye everytime you go to the package store I hope rachel breaks her hand next time she slams the door Because i try to break my fingers every night When my shaky hands wouldn’t give me a light And i say “jesus christ, tobi was right I never should’ve left you out” I can’t go out the way i came in Because i am loved by people unaware of my sins And all this music is going straight to the bin So now i can never say this again If you’re wondering why i’m so eager to take the fall It’s because i deserved social suicide all along I never wanted to hate, you see That’s the difference between you and me I just wanted somebody who wanted me who was better than i was And i hate myself for that When you told me “You can do anything you want with that old name But i’m not public domain, you’re the one to blame” I was walking around outside and you left me a voicemail And i listened to it later at night and you sounded so frail I looked out my window while i listened and said at least you and me can both still see the moon And maybe you still do And maybe i never met you Because my time as yours cannot be proved as real Maybe we never met after the first time you were revealed And all the words i got halfway through All the times i claimed i didn’t miss you And all the lies i told right through my teeth I’m nothing but a cheap thief So i’ll go downstairs for one final drink And i’d get drunk if i still got drunk But i gave all of that up And you told me you were proud i was sober And maybe you still are I look into your brown eyes And i ask if you’ve got a light you tell me that everything’s gonna be alright If you just give me a kiss, that would be it I am a foggy mist rising from the shorelines I haunt the streets of Duxbury To check in on friends and loved ones I see them through their windows I see them lively like doves I wanna talk to them Your phone alarm will wake you Or is that my voice you hear? Footsteps are moving across the hallway floor Did you ever learn to heal? You heard me from your backyard door I’ve never been so near I look into your smiling face and your eyes The ones that are far too kind The right eye with soot of some kind Underneath it And i think you are my life Because i wouldn’t have mine if it weren’t for that light That was cast by a flash in the woods or the time That you said that all these words were good but didn’t rhyme So it’s time to forget while the forgettings good I’ll carve up your words that were made up out of the woods And you will come down to the beach where we laid Out all night when our debts had been repaid And you will say you were reborn as you were; Helpless and afraid Why not start being more straightforward? Tell everyone on the planet exactly what you are William, take one shot, take two, why not? When you saw me standing in a vacant parking lot You said, i wished that i was sober You said, i wish that my time was over And you said “Louise hold me tight I wish you hadn’t listened to me Louise, hold me through the night I haven’t been right since they let me see” All i know is, we should’ve never met each other Isn’t that what my dad meant when he told me to run for cover? But now i look over how easy solitude became cheap Here’s my number, text me when you’re free

Then you said: “please don’t leave Please stay, don’t go away I can’t tear myself apart When somebody’s making you art But anyway, you’ll get wet from the rain Because these spring nights, around these days Oh you’re not lying when you said you’re getting away” I picture you getting into my car unafraid of the dark, And you try to give me a start from my sleep And you startle me and we drive back home But i’m not seeing anything but rain outside my window Just text and stop me, while driving and ask for a ride Or better yet, meet me on the corner and ask for a light Don’t pity or question, just stop me Because i don’t want anyone to ask how i’ve grown As i drive at 70 off the road Don’t act like you knew, i say As i lay alone and half awake When you told me you would ask for the reason some other time And i said i thought that would be alright I dragged your life around for the whole time Every day for two years, in and out of school In the airport and alone lit only by streetlights I could never believe myself to be such a fool But i dragged you around the whole time Don’t act like you knew, i say As i lay alone and half awake When you told me you would ask for the reason some other time And i said i thought that would be alright You dragged my life around for the whole time Every day for two years, in and out of college In the tollbooth and alone lit only by lamplight You could never believe yourself to be locking The door to our room, with a different key than the one i had

This is not a song about Marshall or drugs It’s about something much taller and better than that Sometimes i’m awake, thinking about being exiled again But just sit down, i know somewhere we mean well I know somewhere we are content Sometimes, i’m in the middle of the road Noticing my face in the pavement Sometimes i wonder how you’ve grown Biking down north, hoping i’m not late yet This is hell, this is other people This is that infinity where nothing ever happens We’ll say We’ll say We’ll say in the rear view of your car I could’ve sworn i saw your heart Spinning and crashing into the front yard Of the house where i spent my first five years But one of these days that house will burn down with my fears I’ve been thinking about what you said, and how it’s true Our lives are defined by the colors that we think of as blue Shades of orange, green, yellow and shifting red Colors on a ring, the ones that aren’t dead yet This is hell, this is other people This is that infinity where nothing ever happens We’ll say We’ll say How long is high school? You could say that it’s just for days You could say you’ll be there for years, you can say you’ll be put away I walk from the back of a fogged up car I guess the bright sun gave me a start So give me a call anytime especially at midnight When nobody else is awake, i find it hard to feel fake I’ve probably seen you in my basement, i’ve seen you in the hall But it never mattered at all I bet i’ve seen you in my dreams, i bet i’ve seen you in space But it;s not like you’ll remember my name anyway We’ll say We’ll say We’ll say “let’s never speak to each other again Until we can be sure that you’re in love with my best friend We’ll say Emery, you watch me Try and forget all about me Emery, Emery

Leave it for now But you did not know how We sat on the platform in the field And you wanted to know how to heal The bond between you two You don’t have the natural instinct to say that you’re sorry But i think before you die you’ll get into a coma in a freak accident fire But before you even do that you’re gonna have to apologize You’ll pack up your things and say “i’m going to ohio I’m going to ohio, don’t try and follow me” And no one did and that’s not something you expected to see You’re going to Ohio Something happened to you two i don’t know what You woke up without any 781 area code calls From carissa or addressed to john You tried so hard but you could not tell your mom And i sat on the platform and watched you ask for advice And me and marshall watched as you tried not to cry I only got a few pieces of information and you said That you wanted me around because it felt better To have someone around who didn’t get it Because that was easier than having to explain the weather That caused a rift between the walls and seas the bond between you two “I have a dream where i am walking all the way from point a to b For a reason that i do not know I’ve been walking for days but i stop in chicago” And you said that while you packed a bag and i said That it seemed like it was kind of weird Under any other circumstance i would’ve liked to disappear But i ask hesitantly as you draw near You ran out of Carissa’s house You seemed so freaked out Helpless and afraid You seemed like you were gonna cry It did not make you wait You said that you were gonna try And i did not know what you meant L and Maddie saw me the other day And she said “a crow?” And i said “a crow” And when you were coming back i did not know But you are a crow You will be 20 when i am 16 You will be thirty when i am 26 I wonder what will happen to you Because surely i’ll lost track of you Will you still be going to the library every day? Or will you work there Or will you be somewhere Talking to the people who hated me every day Who knows Who knows

I was born to fail and you know that You are a marlboro trail and you show that And yet you still love me too I know you better than i probably should And i love you more than anybody could But sometimes i think that this love isn’t worth it So this one is for the bike rides back home The only times we’d get alone This polaroid picture strapped to my guitar And i guess what’s left isn’t precious at all This one’s for the library we’d meet The rain dripping onto your feet But suddenly you disappeared And it must’ve been so much worse than i feared All your new friends will leave you Because they were doing so much better than you You will find no one better than bella or JP, And no one will be as good to me As you While i’ve spent three years at my house You’ve clearly been out and about Maybe every day i spent in your room I became ever more like you Wasting away the days like you do So this one is for the bike rides back home The only times we’d get alone This polaroid picture strapped to my guitar And i guess what’s left isn’t precious at all Then i said: “please don’t leave Please stay, don’t go away I can’t tear myself apart When somebody’s making you art But anyway, you’ll get wet from the rain Because these spring nights, around these days Oh you’re not lying when you said you’re getting away” And it was sometime in the middle of the summer, It must’ve been at my internship at the library I heard your voice from the room with the books about cooking And i saw you already suffering Your knit hat down on the ground I tried and i looked around to see There was nobody but you

(Truly, truly, I tell you, when you were young, you dressed yourself and walked where you wanted; but when you are old, you will stretch out your hands, and someone else will dress you and lead you where you do not want to go.”) Sometimes i wish i had died on that bridge But if i did i never would’ve met marshall, or the kids Feeling dead already, gonna be late Hop on the bus from ten to eight We can live in the exact same place Who knows how many times I've seen your face? We can live in the exact same place I put my body into my work because i live I have my friends and they live on their own and like it I’ve been away from this lake for a long time I hope that it’s warm outside We can live in the exact same place Who knows how many times I've seen your face? We can live in the exact same place I spend my life on this, i spend my free time on this Stuff like this keeps me nervous but i don’t mind it He worked 2009-2025, i’ve worked only one day in late july Now the room is silent, you’ve started your drive We can live in the exact same place Who knows how many times I've seen your face? We can live in the exact same place It’s so bright outside it’s so bright outside The sun is shining into my lamplight Americanized, american eyes I’m so goddamned glad you’re alive. We can live in the exact same place Who knows how many times I've seen your face? We can live in the exact same place There was this one time i locked myself out And had to climb over the fence to the backyard Scraped the upper-back part of my arm It bled a little, but i felt fine 1, 2, 3, 4 1 2 3 4 1, 2, 3, 4 1 2 3 4 We can live in the exact same place Who knows how many times I've seen your face? We can live in the exact same place

Lena, the only girl, the only one Lena, the only girl i ever loved i wish i could've kissed those iron lips but you killed me though i won't be missed sometimes i wonder where you're at now if you and whoever decided to love i wake up early and i live to regret it whenever it is that you see fit you had blonde hair it waved in the air you had green eyes that i thought were the prettiest i had ever seen but did those green eyes ever see me? i'm starting to forget your face and i've already forgotten your voice and i've already forgotten your last name and did I ever have a choice? the last time you were here it was july and the scum was rising to the top of the pond you said you thought the patterns were almost almost as pretty as me and i said that neither were as pretty as you thought the last words i ever said to you were "i feel very sick" and that thought makes me feel even worse because i never got to tell you how much you meant to me i never got to tell you that you were the reason i was alive there was a time i was sure i would see you again the last time you were here it was july it's may 26 when i'm writing this and i haven't seen you since lena, the only girl, the only one lena, the only girl i ever loved i wish i could've kissed those iron lips but you killed me though i won't be missed sometimes i wonder where you're at now if you and whoever decided to love i wake up early and i live to regret it whenever it is that you see fit What is left of you? i wonder often Have you seen it, too? i was lost when you were the only person i ever wanted when i saw flashlight say "you don't know me" and it was true when you said "he does not own me" because nobody did, nobody did i think i remember you sometimes i will remember a feature, a glimpse like i am seeing you through frosted glass when i saw you for the first time, when we first met eyes you had a bracelet with the pansexual flag on it and you had a twin fantasy shirt on i can't remember any of the details i can't remember anything your face fades out of view, a ship at sea but you meant everything to me How many times did you say you loved me a day? it must have been over five, over ten, a dozen? you did love me and i don't know if i ever even knew it your name was lena, my name was jenna your name was cibola, my name was wanderer your name is unknown, my name is nothing lena, the only girl, the only one lena, the only girl i ever loved i wish i could've kissed those iron lips but you killed me though i won't be missed sometimes i wonder where you're at now if you and whoever decided to love i wake up early and i live to regret it whenever it is that you see fit when there was time, i would ride to your home i would wake you up and we would be alone i'd pick up your guitar and retune your strings i plug in your ampeg and you would start to sing nonsense or words or your own lyrics i don't know if i had ever been happier i view our time together as an impressionist painting the colors are there but they are just a little bit off and the shapes are right but they're just as wrong and when i try to remember it goes away just as fast as it came What was our last conversation like? i wonder if you enjoyed it, i wonder if i did sometimes i try to remember exactly what it felt like to make love songs for people you really do love or whatever that really was lena, the only girl, the only one lena, the only girl i ever loved i wish i could've kissed those iron lips but you killed me though i won't be missed sometimes i wonder where you're at now if you and whoever decided to love i wake up early and i live to regret it whenever it is that you see fit Sometimes when i see maddie walk into the library I think it’s you And i get so scared. I get so scared “And there she was.”