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Derry

from Lungdove by lungdove

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lyrics

When i was a kid,
I thought i wouldn’t have to deal
With this kind of shit
And i guess i was wrong, with that appeal
And now I’ve realized what was wrong with me
And now if i try hard enough i will be able to see
Exactly what i’m going to be like because I don’t know where i am
And i don’t know where i will go
It’s a good thing, though
Because that gives me some options
And i don’t regret often
But i am usually afraid
And kind of anxious that everything i’m experiencing
Will go on forever
The never-ending and somehow ever changing hatred of myself
Sometimes my friends say at least i’m not in hell
But i think i’d prefer that, or might as well
When i dump my trash in the neighbor’s yard
Tell me who does that help in the end?
Another community scarred
And there are times when i don’t even know
What to say when i’m talking to you
I am a daughter of a seventh son
A fuckup, a nobody
But you’ll tell me i’m somebody
So i ride by the graveyard and game saves, my future home
Slip away into the societal nothing that we occupy alone
A history of repetition rejection dissociation with your illnesses and feeling wrong
It’s not as hard when you know the rules so you can either take the bus
Or drive your shitty car to school
You;re one hundred feet away, i could ask if you’re doing okay
If i cared enough to say that it was who i am or wanted to be
I should apologize to him
The circle cannot hold, leaving the wounds i never had
Small scabs that everyone i know could’ve picked at
If they ever cared enough to notice them at that
Rewrite your part before you start to get out of hand
I don’t have worth if i am unexploitable am i am
I’ll be stuck here for years, i know
There’s no way out in this snow
I’ll either die early and live out as a ghost
Or i’ll fail high school and live here, alone
I should apologize to him
There’s no point in pretending like there’s a third option
I will never get what i wanted
I am breathing right now, but it’s stuck in my throat
I am trying right now, but i can’t do it all alone
Drive, goddamn just drive

credits

from Lungdove, released November 24, 2021

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2019-2021

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