All my friends hate me
They don’t know what to say to me
She told me that i shouldn’t think that i did something wrong
Or i did anything cause she doesn’t wanna see my gone
But that was a lie. I think i might relax for a year or two
Because there’s nowhere that i know i belong
Hey god, are you listening or am i
Just shouting into nothing?
I know she didn’t care
But you didn’t have to make her stare
I’m just a problem she didn’t want on her conscience
I can’t push the blame away, it’ll just make it stay but
It’s a sea i’m sinking in but it’s not like i’m climbing to land
It’s all a form of performance, pretending to be
Something i’m not, like in love or okay or wanting to see
What would happen to me if i lived past 18
But i won’t
And you know, you always knew
Hey ____ what’s your story? What’s with the scars on your arms
“They’re from a life I'm trying to leave behind.”
I feel an obligation, so i will show you mine
Stories traded, we wear the same mind
The ground we walk on is built on infrastructure
that makes positive change almost impossible
The world is dying and there’s nothing we can do,
i at least wanna die knowing that you loved me too
And at the end of my life, all my regrets
Come down to nothing if i can’t resist
The urge to blow my brains out and bleed out my love
If i dig deep enough
Will i get to hell, or will i just burn up?
I’m the freak that pretended and fucked up too much
When i die, i will be erased
My parents will say to my brother and sister
That i lost my mind, which is true, that’s alright
I was so out of it i thought i was a girl
And they’ll make sure they never get
A mistake like me, i bet
Nobody knew how close i came
Or how much i still think about those days
It’s not over, it’s only changed
You don’t know how much i changed those days
You could never know how close i came
I miss having somebody to call home
Somebody who would text me every evening as i went to bed
And every morning when i would wake up
I miss being honest with somebody
And being able to say that i wanted them
Without fear of my life collapsing
And when it happens again,
When i fall for somebody
They will leave
And i will avoid their neighborhoods on the maps of my town
What happened to you?
When did you stop wanting me
When did everybody?
When i wake up i will tell the most important girl i know
i will tell her that there is no reason for her to still love me
I miss having somebody who would always want to talk to me
Who was enchanting to me, and enchanted by me
________________ hung her coat and her hat on my arms
And kissed another woman while i was in the room
Today i rode past somebody sitting alone in the park
And i wondered if they were having the same thoughts as me
I do not want another downward spiral
Like when lena left
Tomorrow i want to tell somebody how important they are to me
But they will never want me how i want them
One day i will ride to your makeshift city
And i will burn your imaginary town to the ground.