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Sulfur

from Lungdove by lungdove

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lyrics

I didn’t know that she died outside your house
Whispering “help” on your front doorstep
It’s a great regret, because we could’ve been friends
We could’ve gone on a trip across the USA
We could’ve got married on a september Monday
Or we could’ve at least known we were out there.
You didnt know how close I was to her
Asking whether I knew her
Crying at your mother’s funeral at the front row
I couldn’t help anything, that i did know
So I just sat across from you and wished I said something.
I’ll be wondering what just happened
When i’m living in Manhattan
And i’m talking with friends and laughing
And i get that tinge again of
Was I really a girl all along?
I think i’m better off androg
But i can’t tell i’ll have to see
What is waiting out there for me
Or i could die before i ever get to it
And i guess that’s okay because i didn’t wanna do it
You said “you don’t know what you did wrong
But i’ll write and keep it in this song
So you know, and never forget.
Hey Louise, why don’t you cut the shit
And tell me who you’re writing these for?
If you’re done taking care of yourself
Why are you still fighting this war?”
And i gotta be honest, i couldn’t say
For anything beyond this is the way
I’ve been told i’m supposed to live
And once I'm gone, what can I give?
My life, ended in suicide
I’m on a fault line
And soon it will break
And when i wake up tomorrow, you will not know my name
Because it’s been decades, and i’m still to blame
No one else knows this like me, that i know is the same.
Avert your eyes from my body
One last time i will say i’m sorry
It doesn’t feel wrong, doesn’t feel alright
I don’t miss mom i guess this is my life
And all this useless energy will just
Keep on perpetuating the life that i’m living
That will eventually stop, for the best part
(ironically, a lot of the time i prefer the company of people who don’t have their shit together to those that do. Maybe it’s because, at my age, I'm supposed to know what i’m doing, or maybe the opposite, that by now we shouldn’t know what we’re going to spend our lives doing. It’s a kind of pressure that I'm just not used to and it’s very intimidating. I suppose it’s the main reason I'm so eager to get out of here, just that I'm uncomfortable with not knowing my future.)

credits

from Lungdove, released November 24, 2021

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2019-2021

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